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Attention Abductees: Your Story Wanted in Washington

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 07:10:22 +0000

OK, UFO believers - it's time to head towards Washingto D.C. for the closest thing the movement has ever had to a Million Abductee March: Congressional-style hearings on the existence ...

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Iceland Is Looking for a New Name

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 07:09:51 +0000

Ever want to name a country? Now you can... sort of.

Iceland is in the market for a new name, and after accepting submissions from across the Internet (never a good idea), it's deciding between two options: "Let's Get Lost Land" and "Isle of Awe Land."

So far "Isle of Awe Land" is winning in a landslide, but there's still time to change that by casting your own vote on the "Inspired by Iceland" Web site.

Other submissions that didn't make the Top Two included "Best Place to Grow a Beard Land" and "Niceland," plus a few others that I'm sure didn't get passed out by tourism officials.

"A country's name is its identity but that doesn't mean it describes it in the right way," Reykjavik Mayor Jon Gnarr told the Daily Telegraph. "I mean, look at Greenland."

Voting will end in two weeks - and there's one little catch: The "new" name won't exactly be official. It's more of a marketing thing.

Photo © Three Lions/Getty Images

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Attention, Jack Sparrow: Pirate Ship for Sale

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 07:09:11 +0000

You really can find just about anything on Craigslist.

This two-bedroom pirate ship is available to any wannabe buccaneers in the St. Louis area, and you don't even need a chest o' gold.

Just $79,000 will do, according to the item's listing page.

The listing says the ship was built over a 1988 50-foot Gibson houseboat - so you get some modern conveniences that would make even Blackbeard envious, like twin 454s, a Kohler generator and V drives.

All that, and room for 30 of your filthiest high-seas scallywags to party and pillage all night long.

Arrrrr!

Photo © Craigslist

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The Big Penis Theme Song

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 07:04:52 +0000

Jonah Falcon is already "big" in one sense: He's got the world's biggest penis. Now, he's looking to make it big somewhere else - and it's not in his pants.

Jonah's got a new song out, "Too Damn Big," and it's all about the 13.5 inch part of his body that's made him famous around the world.

Here's a sample of Jonah's lyrics:

I heard it from all the guys and every single freakin' girl
They wanna try and take a ride on the biggest in the world
But in order to ride the beast it must be unfurled

And the big chorus:

Too damn big
It's just too damn big
Your penis too damn big yeah
It's too damn big

Andy Campbell of Huffington Post has more on the tune, which is now available now on iTunes and CDBaby.

See more of Jonah Falcon in this special gallery.

Other Weird Penis Tales

Photo © Jonah Falcon

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Naked Crime Roundup: Be Proud of What You Got

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 14:19:07 +0000

Feeling lucky?

If you are, then maybe you too can get a glimpse of Handsome Gene Anderson in the buff.

Police say they got complaints that the 53-year-old was exposing himself at an extended-stay motel in Cartersville, Georgia. When they turned up, 53-year-old Anderson was getting dressed.

"I ain't got much to show, but I am proud of what I got, and anyone who got to see me naked is lucky they got to see my junk, but I was not walking around naked," Anderson reportedly told police according to Cartersville Patch.

By the way, Cartersville is not named for Jimmy Carter, the only U.S. president from Georgia. It's actually named for Colonel Farish Carter.

But let's get back to the (alleged) crimes - because this man isn't the only one accused of taking it all off and getting illegal this week. I've got a whole bunch of accused miscreants who did their alleged deeds in the buff - including no less than two people accused of crawling naked through doggie doors.

See them all in my new gallery, "Naked Crime Roundup."

Other Weird Crime News

Photo © Bartow County (Georgia) Sheriff's Office

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Arrested Man Allegedly Poops His Pants

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 02:29:23 +0000

The smell of fear smells a lot like feces.

At least, that's what police in Florida say when they responded to a call of shots fired and found an allegedly drunk man bragging of the damage he did with his gone to the dock where he was found.

"The dock sh*t was my sh*t," 44-year-old Michael Johnston reportedly told them, according to TCPalm.com.

He was referring to the damage... but he should have been talking about his pants, because while he was talking to police, he allegedly dropped a deuce on himself.

See more of Johnston - but, thankfully, you won't have to smell him as well as the rest of this week's (alleged) dumb criminals in my new gallery, "This Week in Dumb Crime."

Other Weird Crime News

Photo © Indian River County (Florida) Sheriff's Office

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Icelandic Incest? There's an App for That!

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 02:28:24 +0000

Iceland is roughly the size of Virgina - but while Virginia has more than 8 million people, Iceland has just 300,000.

It makes for some striking landscape, as I found out when I visited the country last month.

But it also leads to a place where everyone not only knows everyone else... many of them are actually related in some way - and not all of them know it.

That can lead to accidentally incestuous encounters, especially after a few too many shots of Brennivin out under the northern lights.

Thankfully, there's now an app for that.

It's called Islendiga-App - "App of Icelanders" - and it's based on a database of family trees that goes back 1,200 years, according to the Associated Press.

The way it works is Icelanders install the app and bump phones. If an alarm goes off, don't do it. If it doesn't - you can get ready to find your own way to keep warm on those cold winter nights.

Jenny's Come a Long Way from the Block: J-Lo's Diva Demands Get Concert Canned

Sun, 31 Mar 2013 12:55:09 +0000

A diva acting like a diva?

Not exactly shocking... but Jennifer Lopez's diva-esque demands have reportedly gotten her canned from consideration at a high-profile (and top-dollar) event.

India's Premier League cricket tournament has a viewing audience of 60 million people, and was looking at J-Lo for a key performance - but the New York Post says demands such as a private plane and too many hotel rooms for her army of stylists and handlers proved to be too much.

Instead of J.Lo, cricket fans will be treated to Pitbull.

Rock Me, Sexy Jesus: S.F. Looking for Hunky Christ

Sun, 31 Mar 2013 12:54:56 +0000

It's quite possibly one of the most unique Easter traditions in the nation: Not just a contest to find someone ...

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Mom Accused of Slapping the Wrong Kid

Sun, 31 Mar 2013 12:54:44 +0000

Whoops!

When a South Carolina woman was called to school and told to pick up her kid because he was being suspended, you can bet she was more than a little upset.

So upset, that it seems she wanted to teach the kid a lesson with a good smack.

Just one problem: She delivered that lesson to the wrong kid, according the police.

Police say 36-year-old Tshekka Collier walked into the office and slapped a kid waiting for a ride home because he was sick. She quickly apologized, then slapped the right kid - her kid - but apparently, there's no slapping of any kids allowed, because she was arrested and charged with assault and battery on both, according to USA Today.

See more of Collier and the rest of this week's (alleged) dumb criminals in my new gallery, "This Week in Dumb Crime."