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Top 10 Real Reasons Sarah Palin Is Resigning As Governor

2009-07-03T17:57:34Z

10. She's pregnant again and is having John Edwards' baby
9. She's "hiking the Appalachian Trail" with Mark Sanford
8. She wants to spend more time teaching abstinence to her family
7. She's joining the cast of "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!"
6. She cracked under the strain of watching Russia from her house
5. She wants to devote herself full-time to making comedians apologize for the new wave of jokes they're about to unleash on her
4. Her daughter Bristol is actually having Alex Rodriguez's baby
3. She's taking up Playboy's offer to pose nude as part of their upcoming "Governors Gone Wild" issue
2. She came to the end of the Bridge to Nowhere that is her political career
1. She didn't resign at all. It was an elaborate hoax pulled off by Tina Fey

Related:
Sarah Palin Humor Roundup
Funny Sarah Palin Pictures
Sarah Palin Cartoons
Sarah Palin Jokes
10 Dumbest Sarah Palin Quotes

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Political Cartoons of the Week

2009-07-03T17:00:14Z

Check out our Editorial Cartoon Gallery featuring the week's best political cartoons.

New this week: cartoons on Sarah Palin's resignation, Al Franken's Senate victory, Mark Sanford's affair, and more.

Cartoon Collections
Sarah Palin Cartoons
Al Franken Cartoons
Mark Sanford Cartoons
Michael Jackson Cartoons
More Political Cartoons

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Al Franken the Senate Jester

2009-07-02T19:20:54Z

Now that Al Franken has become the first comedian elected to the U.S. Senate, or at least the first professional comedian, will the joke now be on him?

As a former Saturday Night Live cast member, Franken may soon find himself spoofed on his former show. Asked about the possibility, Franken said he wasn't sure who might do a better impersonation of him, Fred Armisen (who currently plays Obama) or frequent guest Alec Baldwin.

Most of the late-night shows are off this week, so it remains to be seen whether Franken will become a frequent butt of jokes. So far The Daily Show has weighed in on Franken giving the Democrats a nearly super-duper majority, and Stephen Colbert has been wallowing in the terrible news.

Editorial cartoonists, meanwhile, are having fun riffing on Franken's comedic credentials with a series of amusing cartoons.

As a salute to our nation's first comedian-turned Senator, here's a must-see video from the vault: Al Franken impersonating Mick Jagger on "Solid Gold", sometime in the '80s. Yes, that's the future Senator prancing around in tights and singing the Rolling Stones' "Under My Thumb."

Franken may be just what the Democrats need to come up with their own version of the now-defunct Singing Senators.

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It Came From Wasilla

2009-07-01T16:20:58Z

A blockbuster Vanity Fair article paints a devastating portrait of Sarah Palin that describes her life as an "unholy amalgam of Desperate Housewives and Northern Exposure." Among the revelations: one of John McCain's advisers called her "A Little Shop of Horrors"; she writes creepy emails to friends pretending to be God; and she's a compulsive liar.

The McCain staffers who trashed Palin in the article say they still suffer a kind of "survivor's guilt":

"They can't quite believe that for two frantic months last fall, caught in a Bermuda Triangle of a campaign, they worked their tails off to try to elect as vice president of the United States someone who, by mid-October, they believed for certain was nowhere near ready for the job, and might never be."

Ouch.

This Just In:

� Duly Quoted: Norm Coleman has now lost state- wide elections in Minnesota to a wrestler and a comic. So, next time out, beware that rodeo clown." �Comedian Will Durst

� Gov. Mark Sanford says his Argentinian mistress is his soul mate, forgetting that as a politician he has no soul (via Fark)

� The Mark Sanford affair commemorated in poetry: Sanford at the Bat

� Here's a handy Republican Sex Scandal Flowchart, courtesy of Talking Points Memo

� NotTheLATimes: White House Orders Celebrities to Stop Dying in Threes

� Borowitz Report: Madoff to Share Cell With O.J.

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The Week's Best Late-Night Jokes

2009-06-28T13:00:02Z

"Gov. Mark Sanford disappeared...and it turned out he was in South America. And then it turned out he was down there because he was sleeping with a woman from Argentina. Once again, foreigners taking jobs that Americans won't do." --David Letterman

"Gov. Sanford may have broken the law because he left the country without transferring power to his lieutenant governor. Yeah, apparently Sanford violated South Carolina's sacred bros before hoes law." --Conan O'Brien

"Today the governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford, who's the head of the Republican Governors Association, held a press conference to reveal he had an affair with a woman from Argentina. People were shocked because Republicans traditionally don't do well with Hispanic women." --Conan O'Brien

"Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is claiming victory in Iran. It's controversial and he is very unpopular. And the danger is this - he could ruin the political career of his brother, Jeb." --David Letterman

"No, it's sad about Iran, but what do you expect about a country with a government that's propped up by oil, that's led by a religious wacko? Kind of like Alaska." --Bill Maher

"But the Iranian government is planning a curfew because things are getting so crazy in Iran. And I thought if there is one thing an angry mob respects, by God, it's a curfew, isn't it?" --David Letterman

"Oh. Marital infidelity. You are just another run-of-the-mill human being whose simple moralizing about the sanctity of marriage is only marred by the complexities of their own life. Well, just another politician with a conservative mind and a liberal penis." --Jon Stewart

"Did you hear about Mark Sanford, the governor of South Carolina? He mysteriously disappeared last week and nobody knew where he was. Today, Sanford admitted to having an affair in Argentina. I'm like, great, now we're outsourcing mistresses." --Craig Ferguson

"Good for her I say! Good for you! Finally! I never understood why these women had to stand by their douchebag at the press conference. He's like, 'Oh I did this I did that then I took off her dress and then we went to Hooters'...I think what the wives should do is just wear a t-shirt that says 'I'm with stupid.'" --Craig Ferguson, on Mark Sanford's wife not appearing at his press conference

"The past couple of years there have been a whole bunch of scandals involving governors. You know things are bad when the most normal governor of the last decade was Jesse 'The Body' Ventura." --Craig Ferguson (Watch video clip)

"Needless to say, this not great news for the Republican party. So many prominent Republicans have been caught in these situations lately: Mark Sanford, Larry Craig, David Vitter, John Ensign from Nevada. And do you want to know why this is happening? The gays. They've destroyed the institution of marriage and now this is what we get." --Jimmy Kimmel

"But the Iranian supreme leader says the election results are official. He said, 'It's over, the election results are official. And besides that, it costs too much to rig another election.'" --David Letterman

"Former Vice President Dick Cheney is in the news. Cheney has signed a publishing deal to write his memoirs. I don't want to spoil anything, but it ends with him killing Obi-Wan Kenobi.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Toyota has begun production on a Prius Hearse which they say will be better for the environment than the traditional gas-powered hearse. Experts say it's the perfect way to tell everyone at your funeral procession, 'I'm judging you from beyond the grave.'" --Conan O'Brien

Read last week's jokes, check out our daily late-night joke roundup, or browse the late-night joke archive.

More Jokes by Topic:
Barack Obama Jokes
Dick Cheney Jokes
Joe Biden Jokes
Nancy Pelosi Jokes
George Bush Jokes

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The Week in Political Cartoons

2009-06-27T00:30:30Z

Check out our Editorial Cartoon Gallery featuring the week's best political cartoons.

New this week: cartoons on Gov. Mark Sanford's affair, Michael Jackson's death, Iran protests, and more.

Cartoon Collections
Al Franken Cartoons
Mark Sanford Cartoons
Iran Cartoons
Michael Jackson Cartoons
More Political Cartoons

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Mark Sanford Jokes

2009-06-25T16:37:11Z

Comedians everywhere are having a field day with South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford's confession to having an Argentinian mistress. A few of the best late-night jokes so far:

"Just another politician with a conservative mind and a liberal penis." --Jon Stewart (Watch video clip)

"Gov. Mark Sanford disappeared...and it turned out he was in South America. And then it turned out he was down there because he was sleeping with a woman from Argentina. Once again, foreigners taking jobs that Americans won't do." --David Letterman

"Needless to say, this not great news for the Republican party. So many prominent Republicans have been caught in these situations lately: Mark Sanford, Larry Craig, David Vitter, John Ensign from Nevada. And do you want to know why this is happening? The gays. They've destroyed the institution of marriage and now this is what we get" --Jimmy Kimmel

"Good for her I say! Good for you! Finally! I never understood why these women had to stand by their douchebag at the press conference. He's like, 'Oh I did this I did that then I took off her dress and then we went to Hooters'...I think what the wives should do is just wear a t-shirt that says 'I'm with stupid.'" �Craig Ferguson on Mark Sanford's wife not appearing at his press conference

Read more Mark Sanford jokes, plus watch Craig Ferguson's hilarious comedic riff on Sanford.

Mark Sanford's Love Emails

Sanford's love emails to his mistress, which read like a cheesy romance novel, are also eliciting snickers. Keith Olbermann's dramatic reading, accompanied by mood music, is not to be missed. A sampling from the emails:

"Two, mutual feelings . . . You have a particular grace and calm that I adore. You have a level of sophistication that so fitting with your beauty. I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night�s light - but hey, that would be going into sexual details�

Read the rest of the emails...

More Quips About the Sanford Affair

"If one thing is clear, this is definitely Mark Sanford's first affair, because no experienced lothario would have played it this badly. There are junior high kids trying to get to third base that have more of a plan than this guy." --Comedian Christian Finnegan on "Countdown With Keith Olbermann"

"Too bad if a governor had to go missing it couldn't have been the governor of Alaska. You know, Sarah Palin." --Sen. John Kerry

"This is almost like, 'I don't give a damn, the country's going to Hell in a handbasket, I just want out of here,'" said Limbaugh. "He had just tried to fight the stimulus money coming to South Carolina. He didn't want any part of it. He lost the battle. He said, 'What the Hell. I mean, I'm -- the federal government's taking over -- what the Hell, I want to enjoy life.'" --Rush Limbaugh, arguing that Sanford flew out of the country to have an affair because President Obama pushed him over the edge

More Mark Sanford Humor:

Mark Sanford Cartoons (About.com)
Top Ten Surprising Facts About Mark Sanford (Letterman)
Top Ten Gov. Mark Sanford Excuses (Letterman)
Sanford at the Bat (Kind of a Lark)
Reenactment of Sanford Affair (Andy Cobb)
Mark Sanford Karaoke (Jimmy Fallon)
Jon Stewart on the Sanford Affair (Daily Show)
Colbert Declares Himself Governor of South Carolina (Colbert Report)
Sanford Transfers Extramarital Affair to Lieutenant Governor (Borowitz)
Is Mark Sanford America�s First Emo Republican Adulterer? (David Rees)
FOX News Labels Sanford a Democrat (Media Matters)
Twitters Best Comments During Sanford's Press Conference (CSM)

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(Photo by Davis Turner/Getty Images)

Iran Election Humor

2009-06-24T19:09:11Z

"The Iranian government is planning a curfew because things are getting so crazy in Iran. And I thought if there is one thing an angry mob respects, by God, it's a curfew, isn't it?" --David Letterman

"Some experts are saying the Iranian election was rigged because in some towns, voter turnout was more than 100%. What's even stranger, all those extra votes were from elderly Jewish people in Palm Beach, Florida." --Conan O'Brien

"No, it's sad about Iran, but what do you expect about a country with a government that's propped up by oil, that's led by a religious wacko? Kind of like Alaska." --Bill Maher

"Well, the results from Iran's presidential elections are in. And Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has declared victory. But his opponent, Mir-Hossein Mousavi, is claiming ballot fraud and wants an investigation. If that doesn't work, he's planning on making a documentary about global warming." --Jimmy Fallon

"But I hope they get this figured out. I hope it goes away soon, because the last thing we need is unrest in the Middle East." --David Letterman

Read more late-night jokes about the Iranian election...

More Iran Election Humor:
Iranian Election Political Cartoons (About.com)
The Daily Show Reports From Iran (Daily Show)
Ahmadinejad Tweets Back (Funny Or Die)
Ahmedinejad Breaks His Silence (YouTube)
Twitter Creator On Iran: 'I Never Intended For Twitter To Be Useful' (The Onion)

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Obama Draws Big Laughs at Radio and TV Correspondents' Dinner

2009-06-21T00:20:44Z

A month after his comedic debut at the White House Correspondents' Dinner, President Obama skewered the media in another stand-up routine at the Radio and TV Correspondents dinner. "The jokes may not be as good," Obama quipped, "but neither is the guest list." (Watch video)

A couple of Obama's best jokes from the annual media gala:

"I have to admit, though, it wasn�t easy coming up with fresh material for this dinner. A few nights ago, I was up tossing and turning, trying to figure out exactly what to say. Finally, when I couldn�t get back to sleep, I rolled over and asked Brian Williams what he thought."

"Now, one person that you know could not be here tonight is Secretary Hillary Clinton. As most of you know, Hillary broke her elbow a few days ago on her way to the White House. And we all wish her a very speedy recovery. I do have to say, though, that while it�s been reported as an accident, there were some suspicions. Just before the incident, Secret Service spotted Richard Holbrooke spraying WD-40 all over the driveway."

Read more of Obama's jokes, plus watch the full video of Obama's comedy routine.

John Hodgman Declares Obama A Nerd

Comedian John Hodgman, the headliner at the dinner, teased Obama by calling him the "First Nerd President" and saying he hoped Obama could solve the age-old conflict between nerds and jocks. One of the best comedic roasts of Obama to date, Hodgman cracked Obama up as he quizzed him on his knowledge of Star Trek, comic book heroes, and other matters pertinent to nerds. (Watch video)

JibJab Takes on Obama the Superhero

JibJab unveiled its latest animated video at the dinner, a brilliant spoof titled "He's Barack Obama," which portrays Obama as a superhero saving the world. Set to the tune of "When Johnny Comes Marching Home," the video satirizes Obama as a superheroic messiah who takes on every problem, from fixing the economy to battling pirates.

The video, easily the best spoof yet to emerge in Obama's young presidency, elicited chuckles from Obama at the dinner and has been winning rave reviews from both the left and right as it goes viral. (Watch video)

Related:
Obama Kills at White House Correspondents' Dinner
Wanda Sykes' Limbaugh Jokes Stirs Controversy
Funny Obama Videos

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The Week in Political Cartoons

2009-06-20T23:59:12Z

Check out our Editorial Cartoon Gallery featuring the week's best political cartoons.

New this week: cartoons on Iran's disputed election, Letterman's apology to Palin, right-wing media hate, and more.

Cartoon Collections
Barack Obama Cartoons
Iran Cartoons
Pulitzer Prize Cartoons
More Political Cartoons

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