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The Week's Best Late-Night Jokes

2009-11-06T15:12:24Z

"President Obama said that his economic plan has saved or created one million new jobs. Well, one million and two if you count the new jobs he's created for governors of Virginia and New Jersey." -Jay Leno

"One year ago today, ladies and gentlemen, Barack Obama was elected president one year ago today. One year later, we're still in Iraq. We're still in Afghanistan. But, you know, at least we got rid of Paula Abdul." -David Letterman

"Hey, the health care bill was introduced yesterday. It's 1,990 pages long and costs $894 billion dollars. Or $2.2 million per word. That makes them the most expensive words to come out of Washington since 'Mission Accomplished.'" -Jimmy Fallon

"Here, of course, we celebrate Halloween. In Mexico they call it what? 'Day of the Dead,' where people believe the dead rise and walk the earth again. Or, as folks at Acorn call it, the 'Voter Registration Day.'" -Jay Leno

"He's OK now, but during the middle of his show FOX News commentator Glenn Beck was rushed to the hospital for an attack of appendicitis. Yeah, apparently, Beck was crying and screaming incoherently, so his audience assumed everything was normal." -Conan O'Brien

"It's interesting what former presidents do when they leave office. Bush is now working as a motivational speaker. And if you want to be motivated, who better to turn to than the guy who invaded the wrong country and started a depression." -David Letterman

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The Week's Best Late-Night Jokes originally appeared on About.com Political Humor on Friday, November 6th, 2009 at 15:12:24.

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William Shatner Recites Levi Johnston's Tweets

2009-11-05T15:46:02Z

During the summer, William Shatner created a sensation when he appeared on The Tonight Show to perform a dramatic reading of Sarah Palin's farewell speech. It proved so popular that Shatner followed it up with a poetic recitation of Palin's Tweets.

Last night, Shatner gave the same treatment to Levi Johnston, the attention-whoring father of Palin's grandson, with whom Palin has been feuding. Both have been in the headlines recently with Palin set to release her book and Levi set to expose his Johnston in Playgirl.

Watch as Shatner performs a poetic reading of Johnston's Tweets.

According to TMZ, Johnston is furious, saying The Tonight Show essentially shat on him.

Johnston's lawyer claims the Tweets aren't his and make him out to look like a racially insensitive pothead. They are demanding a retraction from NBC.

Here are the Tweets Shatner turned into poetic verse:

Maybe I'm a genius and not even know it / Maybe I don't exist and it only seems like I do / Maybe this is a parallel universe where I don't.

Anybody know where I can get some good weed?

I feel like I'm in a rap video every time I come here / What's the deal with the taxi drivers not speaking English / Is it a law against it?

Is it true that fat kids never get kidnapped?

You know you're a celebrity when strangers want to see your penis. LMAO. (Watch video)

Here are some other choice Tweets compiled by BuzzFeed from the same Twitter account, which were attributed to Johnston:

Is it true that NYC doesn't have a drinking law .. !!! you can buy alcohol any time, all day all night ??? SWEEEETTTTTTTTT

Would you show your WANG for $35,000?

2 all my BLACK Brothas - KFT to offer free chicken to all U.S. customers on Monday!

Isn't bombing the moon a bad thing for the monthly female period? waves? animal specie? earth in general?

TEA PARTIES? How old are we, like 6 ??? lol

Update: Conan O'Brien apologized to Levi Johnston on Thursday's "Tonight Show" for misattributing what turned out to be counterfeit Tweets.

"I would like to personally apologize to Levi Johnston and his lawyer and publicist, for misrepresenting him in any way," O'Brien said. "Levi is clearly a great American. We wish him the best of luck as he trains for his upcoming naked photo shoot."

O'Brien then attempted to make amends by bringing Shatner out again to perform another reading of verified quotes from Johnston.

Among them: "You can't just do a movie. I'm sure it's harder than it looks. I just get naked, that's what I do."

See Also:
William Shatner Recites Palin's Tweets as Poetry
William Shatner Recites Palin's Farewell Speech
Best Sarah Palin Humor

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William Shatner Recites Levi Johnston's Tweets originally appeared on About.com Political Humor on Thursday, November 5th, 2009 at 15:46:02.

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The 10 Funniest Moments From Obama's First Year

2009-11-04T01:21:44Z

There were many dire predictions after President Obama was elected about how he would be a disaster for political comedy.

While it's safe to say he'll never able to live up to the legacy of George W. Bush or Bill Clinton, during the past year he's still provided us with some good laughs, some scripted, some unintentional.

A year after he won the White House, we present a roundup of Obama's 10 Funniest Moments, from his stand-up comedy routines to his late-night TV appearances to funny moments caught on camera.

See Also:
Top 5 Obama Gaffes From His First Year
Funny Obama Pictures
Obama Political Cartoons

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The 10 Funniest Moments From Obama's First Year originally appeared on About.com Political Humor on Wednesday, November 4th, 2009 at 01:21:44.

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Political Cartoons of the Week

2009-11-01T15:04:17Z

Check out our Editorial Cartoon Gallery featuring the week's best political cartoons.

New this week: cartoons on Halloween, the resurrection of the public option, and turncoat Joe Lieberman.

Political Cartoon Collections
Halloween Cartoons
Barack Obama Cartoons
Healthcare Cartoons
Sarah Palin Cartoons
More Political Cartoons

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Political Cartoons of the Week originally appeared on About.com Political Humor on Sunday, November 1st, 2009 at 15:04:17.

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The Week's Best Late-Night Jokes

2009-10-30T23:19:25Z

"One of the top selling costumes this Halloween is a vampire version of President Obama called 'Barackula.' Also very popular is the vampire version of former Vice President Dick Cheney, called 'Dick Cheney.'" -Conan O'Brien

"Former President George W. Bush made his debut as a motivational speaker. Afterwards, Bush said, 'The crowd was so motivated, many of them left halfway through.'" -Conan O'Brien

"Bush is actually really good at motivating. Last year, he motivated everyone to vote for Obama." -Jimmy Fallon

"In a speech in Canada, former President George W. Bush said he was proud that when he was in office he didn't sell his soul, which is true. He rented it to Dick Cheney, who then sublet it to Halliburton, but it's totally different." -Jay Leno

"Former governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, is promoting her new book and she's going to appear on the Oprah Winfrey Show. ... Sarah and Oprah. On the one hand, a very powerful woman qualified to be President of the United States, and on the other hand, you have Sarah." -David Letterman

"But if you think about it, Sarah Palin and Oprah Winfrey have a lot in common. They both helped get Obama elected." -David Letterman

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The Week's Best Late-Night Jokes originally appeared on About.com Political Humor on Friday, October 30th, 2009 at 23:19:25.

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Halloween and Political Hijinks

2009-10-30T00:14:49Z

Here are some politically-inspired tricks and treats for Halloween:

� One of the most popular Halloween masks this year is "Barakula," a vampire version of President Obama. Another best seller, the Bernie Madoff "Mr. Ponzi" mask, is a sure bet to scare children.

� Need a last-minute mask? You can't go wrong with these handy cut-out masks of Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Rod Blagojevich, or Kanye West, courtesy of HuffPost Comedy.

� The Daily Show brings you Ten Spooktastic Halloween Costume Ideas

� Bill Maher presents the Republican House of Horrors

� Pat Robertson's Christian Broadcasting Network is warning against demonic Halloween candy, which it claims has been "dedicated and prayed over by witches"

� View a series of political cartoons about Halloween 2009

This Week's Political Humor Highlights

� Stephen Colbert suggests breeding a master race to solve the health care crisis

� Jon Stewart takes on the media and Joe Lieberman over the public option: "You know what's worse than being sick and not having health insurance? Having to sit through the Lieberman filibuster that kept it from you."

� Craig Ferguson says Dick Cheney ogled his wife's breasts

� Did Arnold Schwarzenegger use a secret code to say "f**k you" to legislators?

� The Onion: Obama's Declaration Of Swine Flu Emergency Prompts Pro-Swine-Flu Republican Response

� Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart get pumped up over Bush's motivational speaking career

� Bristol Palin's baby daddy, Levi, will be exposing his Johnston in Playgirl

Get Political Humor on Facebook and Twitter Halloween and Political Hijinks originally appeared on About.com Political Humor on Friday, October 30th, 2009 at 00:14:49.
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Top 10 Craziest Glenn Beck Quotes

2009-10-28T02:59:58Z
Question: Is there a more insane, delusional, and paranoid whack job in America than FOX News Channel's Glenn Beck?

Read this compilation of Beckisms and judge for yourself.

1. "This president I think has exposed himself over and over again as a guy who has a deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture....I'm not saying he doesn't like white people, I'm saying he has a problem. This guy is, I believe, a racist." -on President Obama, sparking an advertiser exodus from his FOX News show

2. "I'm thinking about killing Michael Moore, and I'm wondering if I could kill him myself, or if I would need to hire somebody to do it. ... No, I think I could. I think he could be looking me in the eye, you know, and I could just be choking the life out. Is this wrong?" -musing about what he would do for $50 million

Read more Glenn Beck quotes...

Related:
Top 10 Ridiculous Quotes on Health Care
Dumb Barack Obama Quotes
Dumb Sarah Palin Quotes

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Top 10 Craziest Glenn Beck Quotes originally appeared on About.com Political Humor on Wednesday, October 28th, 2009 at 02:59:58.
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Political Cartoons of the Week

2009-10-25T15:37:30Z

Check out our Editorial Cartoon Gallery featuring the week's best political cartoons.

New this week: cartoons on the balloon hoax, Obama's fight with FOX, Halloween 2009, and more.

Political Cartoon Collections
Barack Obama Cartoons
Healthcare Cartoons
Sarah Palin Cartoons
More Political Cartoons

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Political Cartoons of the Week originally appeared on About.com Political Humor on Sunday, October 25th, 2009 at 15:37:30.
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The Week's Best Late-Night Jokes

2009-10-23T21:00:24Z

"A new study shows that the phrase most often used by President Obama is, 'Let me be clear.' The phrase he uses the least often? 'Let me be specific.'" -Jay Leno

"Federal agents will no longer go after patients taking medical marijuana or their suppliers under the new guidelines by the Obama Administration. President Obama is very smart. He figures if he couldn't appease the left by withdrawing from Iraq or closing Gitmo or appealing 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' they'll all be too stoned to care." -Jay Leno

"It was smart for them to try this balloon stunt while President Obama's in office. That wouldn't have worked with Bush Administration. Cheney would have shot that balloon down." -Jay Leno

"Did you see what happened to Rush Limbaugh? Hey wanted to buy the St. Louis Rams and they wouldn't let him. He said this was a dream he had, to some day own black people." -Bill Maher

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The Week's Best Late-Night Jokes originally appeared on About.com Political Humor on Friday, October 23rd, 2009 at 21:00:24.
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Sarah Palin: Going 'Rogue' or 'Rouge'?

2009-10-22T23:59:12Z

When Sarah Palin's book, Going Rogue: An American Life, hits stores next month, she'll be facing a bit of snarky competition from two books that parody the title of her memoir.

Editors of The Nation are publishing a book on the same day titled Going Rouge: An American Nightmare, featuring a collection of Palin-bashing essays by contributors to the progressive magazine.

Julie Sigwart and political satirist Micheal Stinson are self-publishing Going Rouge: The Sarah Palin Rogue Coloring & Activity Book, which includes coloring pages with lipsticks and pigs, dress-up games featuring the Neiman Marcus RNC wardrobe, and other satirical fun.

Whether or not any of the Palin faithful will be fooled by the similar titles and covers remains to be seen. But given that there is many a teabagger out there who can't tell the difference between "public" and "pubic," "competence" and "competnce," or "informed" and "infromed," the difference between "rogue" and "rouge" may escape them as well.

See Also:
Sarah Palin Book Jokes
Funny Sarah Palin Pictures
Top 25 Political Humor Books
Letterman's Things More Fun Than Reading The Sarah Palin Memoir

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Sarah Palin: Going 'Rogue' or 'Rouge'? originally appeared on About.com Political Humor on Thursday, October 22nd, 2009 at 23:59:12.
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