About.com Lesbian Life

Audre Lorde

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 18:24:13 +0000

Audre Lorde was a writer who inspired generations of women with her unflinching dedication to her ideals. She spoke eloquently about the ways racism, sexism and homophobia impact all people. She said, "I am a Black Feminist. I mean I recognize that my power as well as my primary oppressions come as a result of my blackness as well as my womaness, and therefore my struggles on both of these fronts are inseparable." One of her famous quotes is, "When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid". More about Audre Lorde.

_{Library of Congress Prints and Photographs Division}

Audre Lorde originally appeared on About.com Lesbian Life on Monday, February 8th, 2010 at 18:24:13.

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Obama and Clinton Speak Out for Gays in Uganda

Fri, 05 Feb 2010 18:27:48 +0000

Thursday morning was the National Prayer Breakfast in Washington, DC. This annual event is put on the Fellowship Foundation, a group that is known as "The Family." The Family has been criticized in the past for their anti-gay stance and being involved with people in Uganda who are sponsoring the anti-homosexuality bill.

I was encouraged to hear that both President Obama and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton spoke out at this prayer breakfast against the bill that is proposed in Uganda that will put gay people to death.

President Obama said, "We may disagree about gay marriage, but surely we can agree that it is unconscionable to target gays and lesbians for who they are -- whether it's here in the United States or ... more extremely in odious laws that are being proposed most recently in Uganda."

Secretary Clinton also spoke out against Uganda's bill, saying she has spoken to President Musseveni of Uganda about the the pending legislation and that she will continue to fight for human rights around the world.

In addition, members of the House and Senate introduced resolutions calling on members of the Uganda Parliament to reject the Anti-Homosexuality Bill.

It could have been so easy for the President and Secretary of State to just attend the breakfast and not speak to this issue. I don't know what kind of influence the United States can have on a foreign bill. Usually I am opposed to us interfering with foreign governments, but not in this case. In this situation, I hope the power of the United States government can make a difference.

_{� Getty Images}

Obama and Clinton Speak Out for Gays in Uganda originally appeared on About.com Lesbian Life on Friday, February 5th, 2010 at 18:27:48.

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More From Lesbians in the Military

Thu, 04 Feb 2010 15:29:56 +0000

After yesterday's post and all the attention in the media around the possible repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" I heard from a few of you who have served in the military. One is a woman who had her career ripped from her because she was kicked out for being gay.

Dr. Mary Ann Humphrey-Keever was in the armed services long before "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." Gays weren't allowed to serve at all. But they did. As they always have, in the closet. When someone outed her, Humphrey-Keever was forced to give up her exemplary military career. She has since been outspoken about repealing the military's ban on gays and lesbians in the military. Mary Ann Humphrey-Keever shared her thoughts on recent discussions to end "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

The other is a woman who had almost 20 years of service and was just three months shy of retirement, when she was "accused" of being gay by a disgruntled subordinate. She tells her story.

Did you serve in the United States Military? You can share your military story with us too.

_{� Joe Raedle/Getty Images}

More From Lesbians in the Military originally appeared on About.com Lesbian Life on Thursday, February 4th, 2010 at 15:29:56.

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The Latest on "Dont Ask, Don't Tell"

Wed, 03 Feb 2010 16:14:21 +0000

In his state of the union address, President Obama reiterated his commitment to do away with "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" the military's policy against gays and lesbians serving openly. Yesterday military leaders held a hearing to discuss the matter. Turns out, the top military officials, Adm. Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and Defense Secretary Robert Gates are both in favor of repealing the ban. Just not yet. They say they need time to study the issue.

Adm. Mullen stated, "No matter how I look at the issue, I cannot escape being troubled by the fact that we have in place a policy which forces young men and women to lie about who they are in order defend their fellow citizens." Even Colin Powell, who was the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff when "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" was implemented has come out in favor of its repeal.

Secretary Gates also said that the Pentagon would look into enforcing the existing policy in a fairer manner. Not sure what that means, but perhaps it might mean a reprieve for those gays and lesbians outed by third parties.

Today I listened to a local talk show on the topic. I was amazed when a man called in to say he had gay friends and co-workers and even supported gay marriage, but he didn't want to shower with gay people. I can't believe the issue of gays serving in the military is still coming down to that! Straight men afraid of gay men in the shower? Really, what are they afraid is going to happen? Manscaping?

Seriously, one of the guests was quick to point out that since gays are already serving in the military, and have been since forever, gay and straight soldiers are already showering together. Besides, of all the assaults I have heard of in the military, it is usually straight men assaulting women or bashing gay guys. A repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" will only allow those gays and lesbians who are already in the military to quit hiding. And that can only be good for morale.

Did you serve in the United States military? Share your story.

_{� Kathy Belge}

The Latest on "Dont Ask, Don't Tell" originally appeared on About.com Lesbian Life on Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010 at 16:14:21.

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Love to Be Hugged by Women: Am I a Lesbian?

Tue, 02 Feb 2010 18:58:36 +0000

What makes someone a lesbian? Can you become a lesbian if you like to hug women and are fed up with men? That's what "Daring to Date Women" wrote in to find out:

I am a 33-year-old single mom. I have been married and divorced twice. I have absolutely NO DESIRE to date a man anymore. I live in a small town, with narrow-minded family members. I don't know if I am a lesbian or not, but I do feel much more comfy with women. I love to be hugged or just touched by women. Men make my skin crawl. I love the intimacy that women have...Do you think I could be a lesbian or just a woman hurt one too many times by a man? I do not want to be alone the rest of my life BUT I don't really want to be with another man.

Dear Daring:

What makes someone a lesbian? Being a lesbian is more than having a repulsion for men. It's having a desire for women. And not just hugging and hand holding.

Being a lesbian means you have a sexual desire for women. It means you see yourself in an intimate relationship with women. A lesbian relationship is not two women who are fed up with men and so, decide to spend their lives together, raising children and having long talks over coffee. Certainly there are women who do choose to live together, so they are not alone, but I don't think I would call them lesbians...keep reading.

_{� Ben Bloom/Getty Images}

Love to Be Hugged by Women: Am I a Lesbian? originally appeared on About.com Lesbian Life on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010 at 18:58:36.

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Is Monogamy The Only Way?

Fri, 29 Jan 2010 15:33:18 +0000

I just read in interesting article about a study on gay men and monogamy. It says that for gay men, monogamy was not a determining factor in whether or not their relationship was successful. As a matter of fact, of the couples studied, 50% of them had sex outside the relationship. Not illicit affairs, mind you. Their partners knew about it and gave their blessing. And these guys say the affairs were healthy for their relationships.

Interestingly, though, none of the men would talk to the media about their open relationships. Not only did they fear personal repercussions, but also were afraid that it would have a negative affect on the fight for marriage equality.

It made me wonder about lesbian relationships. Are women different than men? Do open relationships work? Vote in the poll and add your thoughts to the comment section below.

_{� Photo by Kathy Belge}

Is Monogamy The Only Way? originally appeared on About.com Lesbian Life on Friday, January 29th, 2010 at 15:33:18.

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What About Gays in Military?

Wed, 27 Jan 2010 15:42:14 +0000

Tonight President Obama is giving his State of the Union Address. We're sure about a few things. He's going to talk about health care. He's going to talk about the economy. There has been speculation that he might mention the military's policy on gays in the military, known as "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

Will President Obama give us a time frame of when he plans to repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell?" When he addressed the Human Rights Campaign on the eve of a National Gay Rights March this past October, there was speculation then too that he would give us something more concrete than he already has, which is to say that Don't Ask, Don't Tell will be repealed while he is in office.

A new report out says that more and more gay, lesbian and bi soldiers are serving in the United States military than ever before, approximately 2% of all military personnel are lesbian, gay or bi and that a large percentage of them are women.

More than 13,000 qualified troops have been discharged from the US Military for their real or perceived sexual orientation. Women and minorities are more likely to be discharged. When will it stop?

Update after State of the Union

President Obama, at the end of his speech, mentioned Don't Ask, Don't Tell. He said, "This year, I will work with Congress and our military to finally repeal the law that denies gay Americans the right to serve their country because of who they love."

_{� Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images}

What About Gays in Military? originally appeared on About.com Lesbian Life on Wednesday, January 27th, 2010 at 15:42:14.

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How Does a Lesbian Lose Her Virginity?

Sun, 24 Jan 2010 16:47:02 +0000

Dear Lesbian Life:

I've recently made love to a woman, but I'm not entirely sure I've lost my virginity. How do lesbians know they've lost their virginity?
Signed,
Wondering Lover

Dear Wondering

This isn't the first time I've been asked this question. The answer depends on how we define virginity.

What do you think? Did I get it right?

How Does a Lesbian Lose Her Virginity? originally appeared on About.com Lesbian Life on Sunday, January 24th, 2010 at 16:47:02.

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Famous Lesbian and Bisexual Women

Thu, 21 Jan 2010 23:17:15 +0000

I've just updated our list of famous lesbian and bisexual women. When I first started this writing a little more than six years ago, this list was much shorter. If a famous woman admitted that she liked kissing girls, whether she identified as bi or not, I would write about it. These days it's hard to keep up with all the women who are coming out. It almost seems like no big deal. Right now I've got profiles of 85 out celebrity lesbians and bisexual women. And more than 20 of those I've personally interviewed. Take a look: Famous lesbian and bisexual women.

And while you're at it, check out 15 famous lesbian couples.

_{Photo of Sara Gilbert by � David Livingston/Getty Images}

Famous Lesbian and Bisexual Women originally appeared on About.com Lesbian Life on Thursday, January 21st, 2010 at 23:17:15.

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Can a Sexless Relationship Survive?

Tue, 19 Jan 2010 15:29:49 +0000

Can a lesbian in her 30s, who has been out since she was 21 exist in a relationship with no sex? That's what "Sexless in Seattle" wants to know.

My girlfriend of a year and a half has kissed many girls over the last few years but always been straight until me. We're mad about each other, but sex has never happened. We have a lot of affection and good communication, but fear stepped in from day one, which means it doesn't happen and now after so long there's a lot of pressure.

We're both pretty sensible people and know something has to change otherwise we're finished, but there's too much love there and we really don't know how to get over that wall.

Dear Sexless in Seattle:

First, I want to acknowledge that there are all kinds of relationships out there and sometimes people do choose to be celibate. There is nothing wrong with that, if that is what you both want.
But it sounds to me like this is not something you both want. You want a sexual relationship. Perhaps she does too.

All I can say is there is some reason your girlfriend is afraid of sex. If she has been with you this long and still cannot go there, then I doubt she is going to be able to without some kind of help...keep reading.

What do you think? Is there hope for this couple?
_{� kay mandrik}

Can a Sexless Relationship Survive? originally appeared on About.com Lesbian Life on Tuesday, January 19th, 2010 at 15:29:49.

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