About.com Divorce Support

A Place for the Single Dad

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 11:33:57 +0000

I�ve discovered something new, an online blog/magazine devoted to single dads. It isn�t the first I�ve read but it is by far the best.

If you visit SingleDadLife you will find articles written by experts that cover everything from dating and sex to health and fitness.

Today I�m going to send you their way by sharing a post I believe every single Dad should read.

No Excuse Not To Be Involved

Courtesy: SingleDadLife

Research is unequivocal that few fathers abandon their children voluntarily. Most fatherless children result from fathers being forcibly separated from their children by the court system.

I�m not going to open that can of worms here. Not yet. It�s too big a can.

But I will say this: The family court process of determining who should have the right to see the children and when can be a�go on now, get on over and read about the importance of fathers in their children�s lives.

What You Need to Know About Restraining Orders

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 02:07:12 +0000

A Restraining Order is a court order intended to protect you from further harm from someone who has hurt you; to keep the abuser away from you, or to stop harassing you, or keep the abuser from the scene of the violence, which may include your home, place of work, or apartment. It is a civil order and it does not give the abuser a criminal record.

A victim of domestic violence can obtain a Restraining Order. A victim of domestic abuse means a person protected by the law and shall include any person who has been subjected to domestic abuse by a spouse, or any other person who is a present or former household member and where the victim is 18 years of age or older or who is an emancipated minor. A victim, of any age, who has been subjected to domestic violence by...read more about restraining orders

He's History; You're Not...Divorce Advice for the Midlife Woman

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 09:23:24 +0000

In He�s History; You�re Not: Surviving Divorce After Forty, Erica Manfred shares her own divorce experience as well as the advice of experts, with specific sections tailored to women in their 40s, 50s and 60s. This is what Erica says about her book:

�I was fifty-eight when my husband announced he was leaving for a younger woman Luckily, I had a girlfriend who had been through a recent divorce-a friend who coached me through the frustrating, frightening process of taking care of myself again.

Even though divorce is a rite of passage that large numbers of women go through every year, its aftermath is impossible to understand unless you�ve been through it�especially the impact of divorce on older women.

Alone at fifty-eight, broke, traumatized, depressed, convinced I�d never find a decent job, another man, or another life, made me think about how many other women were in the same boat as me, or an even worse one.

It also made me think about who women turn to when they get divorced no matter how old they are.� Divorced women, especially if they�re women of a �certain age,� need advice not just from experts but also from someone who's been there, done that.� This book is written for those women who need advice from just that someone."

He�s History; You�re Not discusses how to:

Avoid �kiss of death� marriage counselors to determine if reconciliation is possible.
Find an affordable divorce lawyer.
Survive the first, worst year
Deal with your adult or teen kids (who can be just as devastated as small children)
Get back to work or find a new career (age discrimination does not have to stop you)
Use the Internet to date the Viagra generation
Restore your self-esteem despite body parts that have succumbed to gravity
Forgive your ex (and yourself) and finally move on.

Governor Mark Sanford Spends Father�s Day Weekend With His Mistress

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 15:59:33 +0000

The leader of the state of South Carolina seems to have his priorities screwed up. Should the residents of South Carolina be wondering whether this man is capable of respecting anyone? How do you put any faith in a married man who will choose to spend Father�s Day with the other woman instead of his own children?

After being missing in action for 7 days, Governor Mark Sanford admitted to an affair with a �dear, dear friend� from Argentina. He had been in Argentina with his affair partner instead of hiking the Appalachian Trail as earlier reported by his staff.

Governor Sanford is the head of the Republican Governor�s Association and it has been rumored that he will run for president in 2012. Sanford was first elected Governor of South Carolina in 2002.

Sanford said he will resign from his post as head of the Republican Governor�s Association but will not resign as Governor. I have a feeling the heat is going to be on for a resignation though. Southern republicans don�t look kindly upon men who engage in affairs, especially those who disregard their children in the process.

What we have here is another example of a high profile, powerful thinking he is untouchable. This has to be a case of someone feeling his station in life protects him from the consequences of bad behavior.

How else could he justify his behavior other than to think he is exempt from what most consider right and wrong.

I will say this�I�ve been in love and longed for the company of the one I loved. I�ve never been so swept up in it that I allowed it to interfere with or damage those who love me or shirked my responsibility to those dependent on me.

There is something flawed in the character of men like Mark Sanford and the world of politics seems to be a breeding ground for such men lately.

Related Articles:

What is an Emotional Affair?
The Negative Consequences of an Affair
Eight Reasons Men Cheat
Is Your Spouse Cheating

Presumptive Joint Custody�Good or Bad?

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 00:19:41 +0000

There is a new bill waiting for a decision in the Pennsylvania Legislature. House Bill 463, the Presumptive Joint-Custody law, would automatically give each parent equal custody of their children. It would require parents to submit a parenting plan and give the judge the authority to order counseling for them, but would also leave the door open for appeals by both parents for a different custody arrangement.

At the present time, Pennsylvania decides most custody cases on a case-by-case basis with a judge deciding custody based on the �best interest of the child.�

As you can imagine, fathers in Pennsylvania are in favor of House Bill 463 passing and becoming law. �Not everybody is a deadbeat dad,� said Mark Carrol, spokesman for the central Pennsylvania chapter of Fathers4Justice. �I work with a lot of fathers who just want to help raise their children. ... The bottom line is, children need both parents but, for whatever reasons, the courts are biased. Eighty-five percent of the time when dad goes into court asking for more time with his kids, the judge says no.�

Some have differing opinions. �I don�t disagree that both parents need to get involved in the child�s life, but if those two parents don�t get along that does not bode well for a (50/50) shared-custody arrangement,� she said. �My concern is any type of presumption of joint custody will decimate the best interest of the child standard. I believe starting from that presumption takes away all the discretion of the court and the judge, who is the fact finder and who hears from both sides what is going on and makes the final determination of what is in best interest of the child,� says Mary Burchik, chairwoman of the Lebanon County Bar Association�s Family Law Committee.

Mark Carrol is right, not every father is a deadbeat dad and there are many fathers out there who want nothing more than to help raise their children. What about those fathers who are deadbeat dads though? Or, even worse, fathers or mothers who are abusive?

How does a presumptive joint custody law benefit a child in danger of being abused by a parent? House Bill 463 leaves open the option to appeal the custody arrangement but what does the child who is in danger of abuse do while waiting on an appeal.

I don�t agree with Ms. Burchik�s argument. If divorced parents can�t get along the child suffers no matter what the custody arrangement. For the life of me, I can�t see how a good father spending more time with his child can be more damaging just because he doesn�t get along with his ex.

Then there is the idea she has that presumptive joint custody will destroy the best interest of the child standard. When children have two loving parents, nothing would serves a child�s interest more than spending equal time with each parent. If left up to judges, as Ms. Burchik suggests nothing will change and I can�t remember the last time I heard from anyone who got a judgment from a judge that actually took into consideration��the best interest of the child.�

I�m all for equal/shared custody. I think the damage done to children when parents� divorce would diminish greatly if both parents played an equal role in children�s lives post divorce. We can�t assume that both parents are good parents though. When that is done there is a danger of children being placed with a parent who will do harm. That is unacceptable!

We need to find a way to make the playing field equal when it comes to child custody but I don�t think making the presumption that both parents are good parents is the cure for the problem.

Fee Assistance Programs For Single Moms And Dads Means Summer Fun For Kids

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 12:13:22 +0000

Have harsh financial times fallen upon your divorced family? Are you a single mom or dad wondering how you will afford to keep your children entertained this summer? Are you worried your kids will have to go without sports activities, day camps, and trips to the zoo due to a lack of funds?

Because of the recession, many of you are struggling to put food on the table which gets in the way of paying for fun summer camps/programs for your children.

Did you know that many recreation organizations offer fee assistance, and you and your kids may be eligible. All you need to know is where and how to look for it.

Below are a few guidelines to help you in your research.

Check with your city�s sports and recreation centers.

By googling the city I live in and �fee assistance recreation�, I quickly discovered that my city�s parks and recreation department offers subsidized programs for low-income families. My city has 27 parks most of which offer swimming, day camps and summer activities for children. Enough activities to keep your children busy all summer long.

To apply you must complete required application forms and provide proof of your financial circumstances, ie: bank statements, child/spousal payments, monthly bills including utilities, mortgage/rent, insurance etc. For circumstances that are more difficult to explain, you can also enclose a personal letter that details your family�s situation.
Check your local YMCA Chapter.

The YMCA offers severely reduced membership and program costs to families in need, which are valid for three months (after which you can reapply if necessary). Their financial assistance applies to day camps and all registered programs and sports activities as well.

Your financial circumstances may feel embarrassing to you; hence, you don�t want to bring it up with other people. But remember everyone goes through tough times. Right now during this recession, thousands of other families are in the same shoes as you.

At the end of the day, this is about minimizing the effects of this tough time on our kids and allowing them to enjoy their summer.

If you know of any other resources for single parents in these circumstances, please add them in the Comments Section of this blog post.

Do You Have a Healthy Marital Relationship With Your Wife?

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 08:00:37 +0000

We�ve all been around couples who have a relationship that seems flawless. You know the couples I�m talking about, the ones with an obvious healthy marital relationship. They never argue, are able to work through conflict as it arises with ease. There is a constant show of affection, love and support for each other.

I know a couple like this. They married and everything seemed to fall into place for them. They live a charmed life and it is all due to the healthy marital relationship they have with each other.

For some couples things don�t fall into place. It is a relationship with their spouse is more of a struggle, something that has to be worked at. A relationship that leaves them feeling empty, unloved or...read more

Are You Living in a Sexless Marriage?

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 14:33:22 +0000

Is there less sex than you feel is appropriate in your marriage? A sexless marriage is one in which a spouse feels there isn�t enough sex or there is no sex at all.

Let me qualify what I have said above by saying that if you want sex every night and your spouse only wants sex three times a week, you are not living in a sexless marriage. If you want sex every night or three times a week and your spouse wants sex once a month, you are living in a sexless marriage.

Your spouse may disagree. Having sex once a month or once every three months may fulfill their need for sex. In their mind they are not living is a sexless marriage because their needs are being met.

The problem lies when there is a huge difference in the sexual needs of the spouses. The definition of a sexless marriage is not dependent upon whether or not there is sex in the marriage but on the effects of differing sex drives in the marriage.

For example, Jay could care less about sex. He had even told Janice, his wife that he didn�t know �what the big deal was about sex.� Jay was quite happy and content having sex...read more about sexless marriage

Having A Hard Time Collecting Child Support?

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 21:32:59 +0000

I heard from a man the other day. He and his wife are divorcing and negotiating child support. His wife doesn�t want child support mentioned in the final divorce decree. According to him she would �promise� to pay a certain amount a month�an amount they negotiated and agreed upon together.

Big mistake! Without a court order stating how much child support a non-custodial parent is to pay, the custodial parent has no legal recourse if child support is not paid.

Many things are negotiable during divorce, child support should not be one of those things. Follow your state�s child support guidelines and get it on paper signed by a judge.

After doing that if you still have problems collecting child support I have few suggestions on how to use your court order to force payment.

Contempt of Court:

If the ex doesn�t pay and you have a signed order by a judge you can and should not hesitate to take him/her to court for contempt.
Income Withholding:

I�m of the opinion that this should be the standard way of paying child support. Getting the judge to sign an income withholding form right out of the gate keeps the possibility of ever going with child support low.

An income withholding form gives the courts the right to demand that an employer deduct child support from an ex�s wages. Regardless of what some feel this is not a negative reflection on the non-custodial parent. It is a means of protecting yourself and your children as the custodial parent.
Personal Property Liens:

In some states if a non-custodial parent is behind in child support payments you can get a lien on any personal property they hold. This won�t get you money right away but it will put you in a position of being able to collect what is owed if the ex ever attempts to dispose of the personal property.
Federal and State Income Tax Withholding:

Federal and state income tax refunds can be taken, in full or partially to cover delinquent child support. Your attorney will know what steps you take to attach the ex�s income tax refund.
Unemployment Compensation:

Unemployment compensation along with worker�s compensation and social security disability can be used to cover delinquent child support also. There is a cap on how much you will get. I think it is 25% but something is better than nothing when you are in need of help supporting a child.

Sex With the Ex?

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 13:08:50 +0000

Should you have sex with your ex? If you are newly divorced and have been without sex for a while, the idea can be tempting. When certain urges hit what better way to satisfy those urges than with someone you�ve a shared intimate history? If that is, you are still the least bit attracted to your ex. Keep in mind before going there that it will no longer be sex with your spouse, it will now be casual sex with someone who is no longer committed to you in anyway.

Before you partake in the old and comfortable to relieve those nagging sexual urges put some thought into the possible outcome. Getting an itch scratched is one thing, getting it scratched by your ex can be...read more about sex with the ex