About.com Divorce Support

Foreign Divorce: How Do You Know If It Is Valid?

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 08:00:23 +0000

Marriage and divorce are generally considered matters reserved to the states rather than to the federal government. There is no treaty in force between the United States and any country on enforcement of judgments, including recognition of foreign divorces.

RECOGNITION BASED ON COMITY:

A divorce decree issued in a foreign country generally is recognized in a state in the United States on the basis of comity provided both parties to the divorce received adequate notice, i.e., service of process and, generally, provided one of the parties was a domiciliary in the foreign nation at the time of the divorce.

Under the principle of comity, a divorce obtained in another country under the circumstances described above receives "full faith and credit" in all other states and countries that recognize divorce.

Although full faith and credit may be given to an ex parte (one party to the divorce action is absent) divorce decree, states usually consider the jurisdictional basis upon which the foreign decree is founded and may withhold...read more about foreign divorce

Foreign Divorce: How Do You Know If It Is Valid? originally appeared on About.com Divorce Support on Friday, November 6th, 2009 at 08:00:23.

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Is Divorcing A Military Member More Complicated?

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 08:00:27 +0000

I wouldn't say that military divorce is more complicated. It is different with it's own unique rules regarding division of military pensions, residency requirements for filing for divorce, certain legal protections for the military member and emergency court orders pertaining to child support. Once you become familiar with the rules and federal laws that apply during a military divorce the divorce process is pretty straightforward.

Service members Civil Relief Act:

Military members have legal protection from divorce proceedings that are not established for civilians. Under the Service Members Civil Relief Act military members are protected from lawsuits including divorce proceedings so they can "devote their entire energy to the defense needs of the Nation." A court can delay legal proceedings for the time that the service member is...read more about military divorce

Is Divorcing A Military Member More Complicated? originally appeared on About.com Divorce Support on Wednesday, November 4th, 2009 at 08:00:27.

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How is Military Retired Pay Divided During Divorce?

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 08:00:55 +0000

In military divorce, the Uniform Services Former Spouse's Protection Act (USFSPA) recognizes the right of state courts to distribute military retired pay to a spouse or ex - spouse and provides a method of enforcing these orders through the Department of Defense.

The USFSPA does not; however make division of military pay mandatory during divorce. An ex - spouse must have been awarded a portion of the member's military retired pay as property in their final divorce decree, dissolution, annulment or legal separation.

State laws can differ when it comes to the division of military retirement pay but the USFSPA gives each state the right to treat military retirement as "marital property." State courts are tasked with making an "equitable distribution" of the military member's retired pay but, that does not automatically mean a 50/50 distribution. Each state has factors that are applied to each individual case and division of marital property such as military retirement is based on...read more about dividing military retirement

How is Military Retired Pay Divided During Divorce? originally appeared on About.com Divorce Support on Monday, November 2nd, 2009 at 08:00:55.

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Need Solutions to Those Marital Problems?

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 12:00:59 +0000

I've spent quite a bit of time writing about marital problems that lead to divorce. I've not, however given advice on how to find solutions to those marital problems. You first step should always be to seek professional help by seeing a marriage counselor.

If, for some reason marriage counseling is not an option following the five steps below should help find a solution to those marital problems and help you move forward.

Step 1: Name the problem. In naming the problem, you have to be specific. Saying, "he/she never helps around the house" will get you nowhere. If you want your spouse to help around the house you need to outline what specific tasks you need help with. For example, you need help with the laundry, or you wish your spouse would help clean-up after dinner each night.

It is very important to be specific with more severe marital problems. If you've lost interest in sex with your spouse ask yourself "why," and "what" is causing the loss of interest. Is it hormonal, is your spouse behaving in a way that...read more about marital problems

Need Solutions to Those Marital Problems? originally appeared on About.com Divorce Support on Friday, October 30th, 2009 at 12:00:59.

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Four Reasons Women Cheat

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 12:27:37 +0000

I'm of the opinion that it doesn't matter why women cheat. Once the cheating occurs I'm not one to go looking for excuses for bad behavior. I know from experience though that if your wife has cheated, your first question will more than likely be, "why?"

Below are four reasons some women cheat. Keep in mind that the reason behind the cheating is not as important as the cheating itself. Don't allow yourself to make excuses for bad behavior!

The Low Self-Esteem Wife:

Some women become nothing more than a mother, housekeeper and wife who keeps the family running smoothly. Maybe she is feeling frumpy and unattractive. Her self-esteem is in the gutter...she no longer feels sexy, beautiful or desirable. She is married to a man who...read more about why women cheat

Four Reasons Women Cheat originally appeared on About.com Divorce Support on Thursday, October 29th, 2009 at 12:27:37.

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Steve Phillips Swings and Misses

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 13:43:21 +0000

Steve Phillips, a sports analyst has been fired by ESPN after admitting to an affair with Brooke Hundley a 22-year-old production assistant. According to ESPN, Phillip's "ability to be an effective representative for ESPN has been significantly and irreparably damaged, and it became evident it was time to part ways."

It would seem Phillips chose to become involved with someone who didn't take being dumped very well.

According to a police report filed in Wilton, Conn., Hundley called Phillips' wife, Marni, on Aug. 5 after he broke up with her and sent Marni a letter graphically describing their relationship and the 46-year-old Phillips' birthmarks.

Marni Phillips called police Aug. 19 when she came home to find Hundley in her driveway. "I knew instinctively that this was the woman Steve was involved with and I was terrified," she wrote in a statement to police.

Hundley also contacted Phillips' 16-year-old son through his Facebook account, according to the police report.

"This woman has clearly displayed erratic behavior and delusional tendencies," Steve Phillips said in a statement to police.

I guess it can cause problems when your lover's behavior goes from erotic to erratic. One has to wonder why Steve Phillips would expect predictable behavior from a woman who would become involved with a married man.

Phillips has entered rehab to "address his personal issues." Who knew adultery could be cured by rehab!

Marni Phillips file for divorce on September 14th. Not sure what else can be said except, game over Phillips...you lose.

Steve Phillips Swings and Misses originally appeared on About.com Divorce Support on Monday, October 26th, 2009 at 13:43:21.

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How To Leave An Abusive Marriage

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 21:00:05 +0000

Domestic violence is about control. Aggression is primitive and immature reactions to a sense of helplessness and feeling a loss of control by the abuser. If you are preparing to leave an abusive marriage you should expect the abuser to feel even less control. In other words, expect problems and be prepared for problems. Below are some actions you should take before leaving:

Interview with an attorney. Preferably one with experience in dealing with domestic violence issues.
If you feel your safety is at risk get a civil or criminal restraining order and have it in place before you leave.
Have somewhere to go. Research local women's shelters, ask a friend if you can stay with her/him or, if you can afford it rent an apartment but, keep your address from your husband.
Take with you copies of important documents and personal items such as...read more about leaving an abusive marriage

How To Leave An Abusive Marriage originally appeared on About.com Divorce Support on Friday, October 23rd, 2009 at 21:00:05.

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Verbal Abuse: The Most Common Form of Domestic Abuse

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 21:00:33 +0000

Physical abuse is easily identified. There is no doubt, once you have been hit, that you have been abused. You don't second guess yourself because the bruises and scars are visible evidence that abuse has taken place. Verbal abuse is different. The damage is internal, there are no physical bruises or scars, just a wounded spirit and sense of self-esteem.

Below are some common signs of verbal abuse:

Being called names by your spouse. Any negative form of name calling is unacceptable. If you feel that it is a put down, then it most likely is. There are names that are obvious and, without question abusive.

Then there are the covert, veiled attempts to put a spouse down that are harder to identify. Verbal abusers love to use constructive criticism to beat a spouse down. If your spouse is constantly criticizing you, "for your own good," be careful. This is the most insidious form of verbal abuse.
Using words to shame. Critical, sarcastic, mocking words meant to put you down either alone or in front of other people.

Yelling, swearing and screaming. I call this the "walking on eggs shells" syndrome because you are living with someone who goes verbally ballistic for very little cause.

Using threats to intimidate. No threat should be taken likely, even if your spouse tells you they are only joking, especially if it causes you to change behaviors or to feel...read more about verbal abuse

Verbal Abuse: The Most Common Form of Domestic Abuse originally appeared on About.com Divorce Support on Wednesday, October 21st, 2009 at 21:00:33.

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The Need to Control And It's Relationship to Domestic Abuse

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 21:00:53 +0000

Verbal abuse, physical abuse and emotional abuse all come from a need to control. The more research I do on the subject and the more I deal with clients in abusive relationships the more I come to believe that to be true.

It is human nature to feel a need to control our surroundings and, to some degree the people we have relationships with. In my opinion, it is that need to control that, at times is the main factor in the destruction of our relationships.

During my marriage, I was controlling. I was not a control freak who did not feel good about herself unless everyone was marching to her orders. I was what others might call "worry wart." I worried about whether or not my children had proper food to eat, whether or not the house was clean enough or whether or not family vacations would run smoothly.

Due to the worry, I felt a need to control certain things. I told myself that I needed to take control because it was in my family's best interest. You know what I mean, if I planned every moment of a vacation then that meant every moment would be enjoyed. Funny thing is, every moment was planned out but every moment was not enjoyed because I was living with people who had their own minds and own ideas of what they wanted and didn't want to do.

They would end up enjoying their vacation and I would end up stressing out and suffering emotionally because I felt out of control. It is what a person does with the stress and emotional discomfort they feel when out of control that determines whether or not they become verbal, physical or emotional abusers.

There are those who have feelings of fear, worthlessness, inadequacy and shame that turn into control freaks. Their feelings of their own self-worth are tied to how well they can get others to bend to their whims and to follow their orders. They have a driving need to get control of their lives, which means controlling circumstances, and people...especially the people from whom they need love and affirmation. Once you start trying to force that kind of control over people...read more about abuse and the need to conrol

The Need to Control And It's Relationship to Domestic Abuse originally appeared on About.com Divorce Support on Monday, October 19th, 2009 at 21:00:53.

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Emotional Abuse: Has Your Marriage Seen Better Days?

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 21:07:18 +0000

Crazy Making Behavior

Emotional abuse in a marriage is such a covert form of domestic violence and abuse that many people aren't able to recognize they are a victim. A spouse may have a feeling that something is wrong. They may feel stressed out; a sense of depression; anxiety but they can't quite identify what is causing those feelings.

That is why emotional abuse is often called, "crazy making behavior." Emotional abuse is used to control, degrade, humiliate and punish a spouse. While emotional abuse differs from physical abuse, the end result is the same...a spouse becomes fearful of their partner and begins to change their behaviors to keep their partner happy.

The happier their partner, the less emotional abuse the spouse has to suffer. By the time a spouse identifies the true problem they have begun to feel as if they are crazy. They will doubt themselves and their own sense of reality because emotional abuse is meant to cause the victim to question their...read more about emotional abuse

Emotional Abuse: Has Your Marriage Seen Better Days? originally appeared on About.com Divorce Support on Sunday, October 18th, 2009 at 21:07:18.

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